Chronicles of Narayana's Search

A Journey Within: Reflections after Fifty.

- By Narayana

1. The Nature of the Search 

Life, Narayana reflects, is an unending search — not for external achievements, but for alignment between experience and inner understanding. He once believed that the search would end at some definitive moment, yet with maturity he realizes that the search continues as long as one remains conscious. Each phase of life reveals a fresh layer of inquiry and a deeper invitation to look inward. 

2. Childhood Impressions and Early Curiosities 

Narayana’s first spiritual impressions were accidental. At age seven or eight, a simple comic-book picture of the Buddha captured his attention. He did not understand enlightenment, but the peaceful face planted an early seed of curiosity. 

Childhood visits to temples left mixed impressions—crowds, dust, rituals,  noise—but the image of the Buddha remained distinct: simple, uncluttered, luminous. It would return repeatedly throughout his life, each time taking on new meaning. 

3. Middle School Lessons and the Puzzle of Human Behavior 

During middle school, he first encountered the teachings of Buddhism—duḥkha, compassion, the path to freedom from suffering. The concepts were simple, almost childlike, yet the world around him seemed unwilling to embody them. Why, he wondered, if non-violence and goodness were so easy to describe, were they so rarely practiced? 

With time, he understood that human nature drifts easily from ideals. True understanding must be lived, not memorized. A gap always exists between intellectual comprehension and embodied practice, and life’s work is to bridge that gap. 

4. School, College, and the Anxiety of Becoming 

His school and college years were dominated by education, examinations, and a singular worry: What would he do for a living? This anxiety—common to every middle-class youth—cast a shadow over his student life. 

Yet other interests balanced the tension. Games like table tennis, cricket, and local games brought rhythm and joy. They sharpened concentration and offered much-needed relief from academic pressure. 

During these years, the study of science and engineering also entered his life. He discovered an unexpected satisfaction in logic and structure. Though he didn’t fully see it then, it was an early experience of flow — a state where the self becomes momentarily unburdened. 

5. Early Emotions: The World of Cinema and First Attachments 

Cinema played a formative role in his emotional development. Films showed him a world of choices, consequences, relationships, and moral struggles. They taught him empathy long before he recognized it as a skill. 

Towards the end of college, he developed a tender attachment to a girl. He tried to find meaning of love as defined by sages. The meaning put forth by high thinkers shocked him. It diametrically opposite to what the world projected and masses believed.  Why the popular culture would create such a great variance in meaning of love from its true meaning. How can the millions be wrong. It was comforting for him to go with the millions. But the true meaning which he read in spiritual  books lingered and even haunted him, making him skeptical of his own feelings. The experience awakened in him the complexity of affection — its hope, its projection, its imagination. It opened a deeper dimension of self-inquiry. 

6. Curiosity About People and the World 

Entering adulthood, Narayana became increasingly interested in human stories: How do people in different cultures live and experience joy, pain, and hope? What shapes their beliefs, fears, and aspirations? 

He read widely — novels, travelogues, autobiographies — absorbing stories of migrant lives, political struggles, and global tensions. These narratives expanded his worldview and sharpened his understanding of human diversity. They also deepened his sensitivity to suffering, injustice, and the unpredictable movements of history. 

7. Influences That Shaped His Inner World 

Several spiritual and literary influences shaped his evolving philosophy. He explored the lives and teachings of: 

• The Buddha 

• Jesus 

• Zen masters 

• Yogic traditions 

• Bodhidharma 

• Writers like Gabriel García Márquez, J.M. Coetzee, V.S. Naipaul and several other Indian and foreign writers.

• Thinkers like Thich Nhat Hanh, Osho, Sadhguru,  Swami Vivekananda.

Reading these figures, he saw a common thread: enlightened beings across cultures often conveyed the same truths differently. The essence was universal; only expressions varied. 

A magazine article about a young Thich Nhat Hanh had moved him deeply. Years later, his writings brought rare clarity — the merging of compassion, mindfulness, and practical wisdom. 

Osho, Sadhguru and Swami Vivekananda , they all convey the philosophy of Vedanta, the nature of human being to  expand, to ask for more. Only a mind and understanding  of non duality can find true grounding. He realized that a lot of discretion is required even when one follows or learns from lives of renowned philosophers. Only the essentials and valuable be taken, leaving the rest. There has to be no blind following.  

8. Marriage, Family, and Emotional Maturity 

By forty-two, Narayana had been married for over a decade and had two children. Marriage, he reflects, has been one of the most transformative arenas of growth. It revealed to him both his strengths and his vulnerabilities. 

His greatest learning was this: Love matures through acceptance, sincerity, and emotional resilience. 

Arguments, moments of anger, and difficult days were inevitable. But they were also opportunities for humility and deeper understanding. The partnership grew stronger through honesty, shared values, and the willingness to listen without defensiveness. 

Parenthood shaped his patience and opened new windows of joy. He learned to nurture with gentleness, guidance with freedom. 

9. The Search for Balance: Inner and Outer Life 

Narayana gradually realized that the search for peace requires balance — neither pure withdrawal into inner practice nor complete immersion in worldly activity. 

He describes life as needing two arrows: 

• The inward arrow: meditation, mindfulness, self-inquiry, inner- honesty. 

• The outward arrow: work, family, social responsibilities, human relationships. 

Both are essential. An imbalance leads to distortion: Inner focus alone may become may lead to delusional grandeur.  Outer focus alone may lead to unending and unconscious chase. 

The goal is a mature equilibrium that enables clarity, love, and purposeful living. 

10. Understanding True Strength 

Over decades, he recognized that strength does not arise from dominance or control. It emerges from: 

• Understanding oneself 

• Exercising restraint 

• Listening deeply 

• Acting without ego 

• Accepting impermanence 

He also learned that emotional maturity is not the absence of anger but the ability to process it without harming others. The Marriage and relationships continually refined this ability. 

11. The Later Realization: Human Civilization Lacks a Roadmap 

At fifty-four, Narayana sees the world with sharper awareness. Despite immense scientific and technological progress, humanity still lacks a mature roadmap for: 

• Environmental responsibility 

• Geopolitical harmony 

• Social justice 

• Cultural balance 

• Conscious living 

People are burdened by unnecessary rituals, outdated norms, excess consumption, and emotional clutter. This burden keeps society distracted and disorganized, unable to confront urgent issues. 

This realization deepened his conviction that consciousness must grow before solutions can sustain themselves. 

12. A Vision Takes Shape: Universal Conscious Living 

Narayana’s reflections culminate in a simple yet profound idea: A Universal Civilization of Conscious Living. 

This is not a political movement or religious framework. It is a shift in human orientation — from unconscious momentum to deliberate presence. 

Its core principles include: 

• Cultivating awareness at the individual level 

• Simplifying life to reduce inner and outer clutter 

• Encouraging environmental responsibility 

• Adopting compassion as a practical tool 

• Bridging rationality and spirituality 

• Reducing ego-driven decisions 

• Practicing empathy in families and communities 

This vision grew not from grand theories but from decades of small experiences — childhood impressions, academic anxieties, youthful love, books, films, marriage, reading and listening to different thinkers, historians & philosophers. The most notable one for Narayana in present time, alive and available, is Acharya Prashant. Narayana finds him  epitome of logic and clarity. The years of doubt and ambiguity immediately start to melt. It seems impossible to him that  a man can come out with such original profundity each time for each of the several thousand questions place to the Acharya. At most, Narayana had seen several famous gurus churning out the same set of philosophies for the vast variety of questions, But not Acharya Prashant. Each time he instils one with bewilderment by his insightful response to a question. With the Acharya, Narayana did not feel the need to apply filters and discretion listening to him. Because his words and ideas, turbulent for many, appeared like  natural spring, a laminar flowing river or  a gentle breeze.

13.  The Search Continues 

At fifty four, Narayana sees himself not as someone who has found the ultimate truth but as a traveler who has learned how to walk with more clarity. He knows the search will never fully end. But he also knows that with each mindful step, the quality of inquiry will improve which is an ever elevating destination in itself. 

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